Lately, I've had my mind on connections of all sorts: emotional, physical, mental, mechanical, chemical, and animalistic connections and all these things lead me to think about love.
Love is a small word with such a big meaning. And all the meanings are slightly different to each person. Why is that? Is it because Love is personal? Because it seems to me that people have defined love as being something universal. Or maybe it is that LOVE, which is universal, has this personal definition of Love to each being in general.
I was looking at the harbor in our patio and was focused on the wood work and the beam of wood across the top and how they are held together by a metal piece & large screws. I see it as being two pieces of wood that were artificaly binded by force. So much different from pieces of wood w/ niches or grooves that fit perfectly together & make a very strong bond.
There are flowers all over our house, in the front and back yards. My mom have been planting flowers and plants of all sorts since we moved into this house in 1984. I was looking at the roses in the front and seeing each rose plant has their own kind of flower. Flowers from the deep magenta rose bush are all very similar, they aren't the same, but they are very close. One can see they are from the same "family" and that they are related to one another in a way that is different fromt the rose plants on either side.
For some reason observing things that are bound have been firing something with in me. I am not even positively sure of what any one thing it is, but I am sure it is a combination of things. One, I think, losing my mom has definitely something to do with it. She is my life source, even if she is no longer living. She is the one that gave me life and gave birth to me. She raised me, nurtured me and loved me. And I like to think that even if she isn't around, she still loves me (not loved me, because real love never dies). Two, connections have become a deeper meaning to me because I haven't found my (love) connection. As a human being, I think we all are social, but more importantly we are naturally, instinctively meant to love & reproduce. And although I would like more than anything to one day reproduce, I have not yet found my match.
My struggle with this is, knowing that I may never find that match. Does this mean I should go for part 2 before I get to part 1? Time is running out. I know I still have time, because I am 30, but really, thats very short. As women approach mid 30s, they get nervous, especially when they want to have children. This leads me to the analogy about the arbor and the artificial way that the beams are brought together (w/ force) with a piece of metal & screws. Do I want to do the same and bring something together by force in order to get the desired end result?
